Mind Reading - When you make assumptions about what somebody is thinking or feeling without them telling you. In reality, you are delusional or paranoid.
Catastrophize - when you over think a problem and the effects that they will actually have on you. For example, when you think that losing a relationship means the end of your life when really you can find someone new the next day or down the line.
Filtering - when you only pay attention to one side of things. For example, you only remember the bad times you had in school and not the good ones.
Polarized thinking - when you think of things as either black or white or good or bad. For example, there can only be good or bad people or success or fails.
Personalization - when you take everything too personally. For example, when you think that everything people do or say is some kind of reaction to you.
Blaming - when you hold other people accountable for your problems. For example, you blame someone else for causing you to make a bad decision. In actuality, you were the one who made the wrong call based on your own judgement.
You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.
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Taoism Shit happens.
Confucianism Confucius says: “Shit happens”.
Buddhism If shit happens, it is not really shit.
Zen Buddhism Shit is, and is not.
Hinduism This shit happened before.
Shintoism This shit happens everywhere.
Judaism Why does this shit always happen to us?
Christianity Shit happens to sinners.
Islam Shit happens if it is the will of God.
Polytheism Shit happens for a variety of reasons.
Astrology Shit is written in the stars.
Catholicism If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism Shit happens, so let ‘s make it worthwhile.
Lutheranism When shit happens, change the subject.
Calvinism Shit happens because you don’t work hard enough.
Anglicanism More shit happens in Rome.
Presbyterianism This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalism It ‘s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodism It ‘s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve it with grape juice.
Congregationalism Shit that happens to one person is just as good as that happens to another.
Hasidism Shit never happens the same way twice.
Orthodox Judaism So shit happens, already!
Samaritanism Your shit is my shit.
Zoroastrianism Shit happens half of the time.
Jainism All shit happens to be alive.
Sikhism Leave our shit alone.
Ba’hai We are the shit that happens.
Sufism The wise man has other things on his mind when shit happens.
Mithra Shit shall continue to happen until the return of Mithras.
Platonism There is an ideal shit, of which all the shit that happens is but an imperfect image.
Animism Some shit happier than others.
Baptism It ‘s not too bad if shit happens just before washing.
Anabaptism It ‘s not so bad if shit happens, just clean up afterwards.
Mennonitism Shit happens, but as long as you ‘re sorry, it ‘s OK.
Greek Orthodox Church Shit happens, usually in three’s.
Russian Orthodox Church Do not think shit does not happen.
Seventh Day Adventism No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Televangelism Send more shit.
Evangelism If shit happens, pass it on.
Unitarianism All shit that happens, is one.
Universalism All that happens, is one shit.
Christian Science Shit happening is all in your mind.
Secular Humanism Shit evolves.
Gnosticism If shit happens, it ‘s a secret.
Theosophy You don’t know half of the shit that happens.
Puritanism S*** can happen all day as long as you don’t call it that.
Obscurantism The shit that appears to be happening is an illusion.
Mysticism Some weird shit is going on.
Occultism Sh, it happens.
Shamanism Holy shit!
Quakers Let us not quarrel over this shit.
Amish Shit happening is good for the soil.
Deism God did not make this shit happen.
Sophism If shit happens, don’t step in it.
Solopsism If it doesn’t happen, it can’t be shit.
Utopianism This shit doesn’t smell at all.
Darwinism This shit was once food.
Creationism No shit happened before Sunday 23 October 4004 BC.
Fundamentalism Shit happens from within.
Chauvinism No matter how shit, we happen.
Despotism Let only one shit happen.
Feminism Shit is male as it happens.
Nationalism Shit happens in the global village.
Patriotism Our shit happens better than yours.
Fascism Shit happens right on time.
Marxism Shit has nothing to lose but to happen.
Stalinism In five years, shit will happen on an industrial scale.
Communism Let ‘s share this shit.
Capitalism That ‘s my shit.
Socialism If shit happens, let ‘s distribute it equally.
Anarchism This shit is going to hit the fan.
Commercialism If shit happens, sell it.
Head-in-the-sandism If there is no shit, it doesn’t happen.
Conservatism Shit doesn’t happen like it used to.
Opportunism It would be silly for shit not to happen.
Idolism Let ‘s bronze this shit.
Purism If shit must happen, let only shit happen.
Idealism Be prepared that all shit will happen, eventually.
Apathism Who gives a shit?
Freudianism Shit that happens is like sex.
Behaviorism Shit is conditioned to happen.
Empiricism Shit only happens if I see it happen.
Relativism Every shit happens differently.
Stoicism This shit doesn’t bother me.
Epicurism Shit happens after a good meal.
Impressionism From a distance, this shit looks like a garden.
Expressionism Excrement comes and goes.
Cubism If shit happens, you won’t recognize it.
Minimalism More than enough shit happens as it does.
Existentialism What is this shit, anyway?
Objectivism Shit happens to happen.
Individualism Let ‘s make shit happen so at least we know who to blame.
Sensationalism The shit that happens to the rich and famous is much more glamorous.
Populism If shit happens, silence the perpetrators.
Progressivism Less shit happens every day, relatively speaking.
Egalitarianism Shit and no shit happen both.
Orwellianism Big shit is happening to you.
Mormonism This shit is going to happen again.
Scientology If shit happens, see ‘Dianetics’, page 157.
Jehovah’s Witnesses Shit has been prophesied and is imminent, and only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Hare Krishna Shit happens, rama, rama.
Moonism Only really happy shit happens.
Jesuitism How can we know if shit happens and nobody hears it?
Mesmerism Sleep and no shit will happen.
Rastafarianism Let ‘s smoke this shit.
Navajo Shit happens in the wind and best in the shade.
Hopi Corn fertilizer happens.
Maya Shit happens in cycles.
Inca Only holy shit happens.
Aztec If shit happens, the Gods want to see more blood.
New Age All shit is one shit.
Holism When shit happens, it happens everywhere at once.
Hitchhikerism If shit happens, the answer is 42.
Ecology If organic shit happens, it ‘s OK.
Cannibalism Eat only what does not happen.
Vegetarianism If it happens to shit, don’t eat it.
Hedonism There ‘s nothing like a good shit happening!
Materialism Whoever dies with the most shit, wins.
Fetishism If shit happens, go for more.
Egotism My shit happens.
Narcissism I love this shit!
Cynicism But of course shit happens.
Fatalism Oh shit, it ‘s going to happen.
Meliorism Shit is happening now, but it will soon cease to happen.
Futurism More shit will happen sooner or later.
Realism There is shit, as it happens.
Surrealism Other shit could also happen.
Pragmaticism Deal with shit one day at a time.
Skepticism Maybe shit happens, but then again, maybe not.
Liberalism Shit has a right to happen.
Pacifism Give shit a chance to happen.
Hippie Make happenings, not shit.
Punk Never mind what happens.
Druidism Shit happens around the Sacred Oak.
Satanism !SNEPPAH TIHS
Voodoo Shit happens from me to you.
Witchcraft Mix this shit together and it will happen.
Wicca If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
Online This shit never happens in real life.
Eschatology You think shit happens now, you just wait.
Escapism If shit happens, don’t look back.
Atheism I can’t believe this shit!
Agnosticism I don’t know shit.
Nihilism No shit.
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